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Extend Your Boundaries Boundaries are imaginary lines we establish around ourselves to protect our souls, hearts and minds from unhealthy or damaging behavior of others. It is recommended to extend your boundaries at least two or three times beyond where they are. BOUNDARIES HELP TO DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. Healthy people have set boundaries, both to protect from, and to attract certain people. Your Time The simple solution, of course is to say No, about 1000 times. On the lines below, identify where your boundaries are weak or where you are permitting folks to cross them. Then, next to each one, write in a 2-word solution to the problem. Here is a list of some common time boundary problems: You are given a new project by your boss who causes you lots of stress. You are appointed head of the committee because no one else volunteered or you volunteered because no one else did. Your children use you as a delivery service vs. them creating their own solutions. You’re the one who gets things done, so everyone gives you their stuff to do. You’re the one people turn to for support, advice, coaching, yet you’re not getting paid for this. You say YES when you mean to say NO. You say YES when you’d rather say NO, but you want something out of it.
Your Heart Humans are sensitive creatures, but we’re also pretty hardy, too. Fortunately, boundaries can be designed to allow us to be sensitive, no matter what. It’s this sensitivity that is the source of our love, caring, support, connection and magic with others. It is worth protecting and it CAN be well protected with boundaries. I don’t think that most people intend to be hurtful in things they say or do, but regardless of their intent, we do get hurt and that hurt ranges from shutting us down to simply being annoying. But, it’s all damage to our heart. Here’s the type of language that you can use to extend your boundary. Feel free to adapt it to your culture and needs, but do be direct and directive: “That’s hurtful. Please stop.” “Ouch! Please apologize!” “What you said is inappropriate.” “I am a very sensitive person and I ask that you respect this about me and be careful what you say. I will do the same for you.” “I’ve been doing some work on boundaries which will affect our relationship and I want to share with you what is ok and not ok to happen between us.” “You know how you joke around about______? Well, I recently realized that that hurts me and I ask you to respect this and to stop doing it. What you CAN do is________.” 1. _____________________________ ____________________________________ 2. _____________________________ ____________________________________ 3. _____________________________ _____________________________________ 4. _____________________________ _____________________________________ 5. _____________________________ _____________________________________ Your Spirit You now get to decide what is said around you and what is not. And your “source” for this is your Spirit, your Soul, the Highest part of YOU. Spirit boundaries include: not accepting gossip from others, not letting unaware people dominate your space, not engaging in debates or trying to prove your point with others who don’t have a clue, not being in environments which damage or diminish your Soul. On the lines below, identify the 5 Spirit boundaries that you feel good about drawing or extending.
Someone has crossed over one of your boundaries. Here are some options: INFORM – “Do you know that you are speaking loudly? INSTRUCT – “I ask that you thank me for what I’ve done for you.” WARN – “You may never speak to me using those words.” ATTACK – “Stop, stop. I demand that you stop, right now.” LEAVE – “What you are saying (doing) is unacceptable to me. I am open to working this out with you when you are able to do so reasonably. I am now leaving to protect myself.” |